Maybe we can blame this on the post-partum hormones - but my heart is exploding today.
I have loved having a newborn at home again. The baby phase is probably my second-favourite phase of being a Mom. The toddler phase is by FAR my favourite. I think what I've loved THE most though, is watching my boys become big brothers.
I've written in a previous post about my fears regarding Nate's interactions with his sister. It did take a while, and a bit of adjustment and learning, but he has finally fully warmed up to her. So much so, that at bedtime, he insists on her laying down in his bed with him for a snuggle before he goes to sleep. His face drops every time I eventually pick her up to leave the room.
Don't get me wrong, there are still times where both boys want nothing to do with her. We've also learned that Nate is extremely sensitive to Bridge's crying. There's two reactions we get when she really gets her lungs going. Either Nate is concerned and wants to help her, or he covers his ears and runs away yelling. I don't blame him. That girl has a set of lungs on her.
O, on the other hand, is ALWAYS down to help her when she's upset. Whether it's putting a soother in her mouth, or holding her hand, or rocking her in her chair. He is so adamant that he is going to "protect her." I think both boys probably feel the same way, even if Nate can't voice it.
Something happens when you become a mom to multiples. In our case, I missed O's infant phase. I met him just before his second birthday. But thankfully, I have been there for MOST of the pretty big toddler moments. Transitioning from one toddler boy to two toddler boys was pretty easy. They are close enough in age (just over a year apart), that I just had to start doing everything for Nate in doubles (2 bums to change, 2 breakfasts to make, 2 juices to fetch, 2 goodnight kisses).
Adding a third kiddo - FEWF. That has been.... a challenge. Being in the newborn phase means that Bridge has NO schedule. For Nate AND myself, that's a challenge. It was hard to stick to Nate's schedule when Bridge was wanting to eat at any random time, or crying out of nowhere and needing to be held, while Nate was expecting me to grab him juice. Like I said, after some adjustment, he eventually got used to the slight changes in his schedule.
Nick and I have worked pretty hard to try and keep his schedule the same. Regardless of when Bridge wakes up in the morning, we keep Nate's wakeup the same. Nick tries to handle Bridge for the most part while I make Nate's lunch, make him breakfast, get him dressed and then take him to the bus stop (a few times I've brought Bridge along in the carrier, but the cold wind in this town has made me not want to do that often). I'd love to bundle her up in the stroller and go to the bus stop, but because I have to get ON the bus to strap Nate in, I don't feel comfortable just leaving her on the sidewalk (no - the parents there would never let anything happen to her, but still).
Keeping his schedule as close to normal has been integral in Nate adjusting to another kid in the house. If I can give ANYONE any advice when it comes to having a baby while you have a non-verbal, ASD kiddo in the house - it's STICK. TO. YOUR. SCHEDULE.
I also make sure I make time to have one-on-one time with Nate (and O, when he's here) so he doesn't feel shafted. He'll often curl up with me and Bridge on the couch when watching a movie - and has become quite okay with the additional little body being present in our snuggles. His dad, Greg, has also busted his ass to make sure that when he has Nate, they're spending quality time together - giving Nate that "only child" feel again that I think he needs to sometimes reset from the craziness at home.
I've now completely ranted myself away from the original point of this post. And now I've lost that train of thought. Nate is currently sitting next to me at the dining room table, flipping through my latest Colleen Hoover book. O is asking for more juice, and THANKFULLY Bridge is still asleep. Life is crazy. How my brain doesn't fry everyday astounds me (kidding, by the end of the day, I'm pretty much a useless zombie. A 9 pm bedtime has never sounded so good).
I guess my point I was trying to make was that, I am so damn proud of my boys. I'm proud of Bridge too, for being so calm and comfortable with her brothers. She does nothing but smile when they ask to hold her, and she even loves holding their hands when they snuggle. Something about seeing your boys take care of their little sister just solidifies the fact that MY BABIES ARE GROWING UP!
I am so thankful that over a year ago, I made the conscious effort to be more grounded, more present, even in the mundane daily goings-on of my boys lives. I embrace every drive to O's daycare. I giggle and enjoy every walk to Nate's bus stop. I love and cherish every time one of them comes up to me and says "I just need a snuggle."
Living in the moment, embracing every small thing, even when O's constant talking becomes irritating, or Nate's tantrums become overwhelming, has made me one happy Mama.
Do I miss the easy days of just two boys? Having the time to focus solely on Nate's diagnosis and researching/learning everything I can about how to maximize life for him? Sure. Who wouldn't? Having neurotypical kids is busy enough. Having a neurodivergent kid is extra tough sometimes.
But I honestly wouldn't change any of this for the world.
I love my babies.
XO The Spectrum Mom
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