I am 28 years old.
When I was 2.5 months pregnant with my daughter, I had a phone appointment with a psychiatrist to discuss some sleep and energy issues I had been having, that my family doctor thought was Narcolepsy. The psychiatrist had nothing to say about the narcolepsy, without a sleep study (which is hard to do when you've got 2 kids at home and a husband working full-time). He did however, diagnose me with severe ADHD.
Because I was pregnant, there was nothing we could do in terms of "treating" my ADHD. So after Bee was born, I talked to my new family doctor (my old one retired), and she suggested trying Vyvanse. Now, this meant that I could no longer breastfeed my daughter - as there are no studies showing the effects that medication could have on breastfeeding infants. That whole topic is a discussion of it's own - but I ultimately decided to give Vyvanse a chance.
My doctor started me on 30 mg of Vyvanse, with an increase to 40 mg after 2 weeks. It worked wonders for the first few days. I had energy I hadn't had in years, I was focused, I was able to finally complete a task.
See, my entire life, I've always chased big dreams - but had very little follow through. Even with this project, The Spectrum Mom, I started losing hope that I'd ever meet my goals because of the roadblocks I kept hitting. I am NOTORIOUS for having brilliant ideas, starting them, and then abandoning them. Don't get me started on the countless crafts and art projects I've started. The home redecorating I've started and abandoned. The deep cleaning I start, then take a break from, and never go back to.
I am also notorious for chasing those dopamine highs. I always eagerly seek out the next thing I think will bring me joy, and when I get bored, simply abandon it. I have self-sabotaged so many relationships, friendships, jobs, projects, etc because of my "boredom" and inability to see things through.
I am one of those people who gets happy when plans are cancelled (to a degree). I also have chronic OCD when it comes to schedules. Newborn phases with kids have been hard on me because there is no rhyme or reason or schedule. To be honest, Nate's diagnosis of Autism, and realizing how much he THRIVES on a schedule was SUCH a breath of fresh air.
Now, if you have done any reading on the Autism Spectrum, you'll know that a vast majority of individuals and professionals deem ADHD to be a part of the spectrum. I agree. Do I consider myself Autistic? No. Why? Because I am not missing or struggling with most of the social aspects that are present in those with moderate to severe Autism. I DO, however, consider myself Neurodivergent. And that, is a title I am HAPPY to have.
Aside from learning how to handle myself, and navigating through my own diagnosis and what it means for ME personally, this diagnosis has also helped me understand how Nate must be seeing the world. I am not saying that getting this diagnosis has magically given me insight into Nate's world. It has helped me appreciate his emotions, and the regulatory struggles he faces on a daily basis. Being diagnosed myself, I've been forced to read, research and learn techniques to help myself, and in turn, I've read and learned MORE about helping Nate.
An Autism diagnosis is not something your child faces on their own. It's something that will affect you (the parents), your family (siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles), and friends for the rest of time. It is something that will open your eyes to parts of the world and community that we were closed-off from prior to. Joining the neurodivergent community is not a burden. It's not something to be ashamed of. In fact, I think it's one of the most beautiful ways to truly discover yourself.
I used to get frustrated with Nate, not understanding how his mood could switch so quickly, or how something mundane and basic could trigger a behaviour. I didn't understand why certain shows, sounds or activities would only hold his interest for a few minutes, before he moved on to something else. I truly didn't understand what being "overstimulated" or "under stimulated" meant, no matter how many times I read about it or had a medical professional explain it to me. I used to get frustrated at Nate for loudly grinding his teeth, not realizing it was a source of stimming for him, a way for him to get a sensory experience that he needed in that moment.
Learning little things like that, and seeing them in myself, has helped me better understand and develop tips and tricks to help Nate. We work on regulating our emotions together. We take "cool down" periods together when we are overstimulated. We switch tasks when they become frustrating or our attention wavers from it, and return to it later. Through doing this, not only have I learned how to accomplish more around the house without getting distracted, or feeling overwhelmed, but Nate has discovered that he has an even stronger ally in me as well.
Many adults actually go through an Autism assessment themselves after their child has been diagnosed. The diagnosis of their child helps them realize and recognize some traits in themselves. I think that when it comes to Autism, you can read and study it as much as you want, but you will never truly get it until you're immersed in it - either through your child's diagnosis or a possible diagnosis of your own.
My husband, Nick, is a psychology major. He works with adults who have severe Autism. One night a few months after Nate and I had moved in, we were talking, and Nick admitted that he knew everything the textbooks had to offer about Autism, and the general basics of it, but he didn't realize just how much there was to Autism. His job requires him to help these individuals with daily tasks, but it's still just that - a job. There's aspects of their days, aspects of their lives, that he isn't a part of because of the shift hours he works. There's also a massive difference between a 20 year old with Autism, versus a 4 year old with Autism. Through Nate, Nick has learned even more coping mechanisms, stimulation aids, sensory aids, routines, and behaviour management that he can apply to his job.
I am so thankful for the extra education, experience and insight my own diagnosis has given me. I am thankful for my ability to be open-minded, to embrace the neurodivergent community, to continue to learn and grow as a parent and as an individual.
XO
The Spectrum Mom
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