I don't know about any of you, but I don't think I ever felt this much anxiety about starting school when I was the one going. Preparing your ASD child for school? The anxiety was through the roof.
All school boards and schools do things differently - so the things I'm going to mention may or may not apply to you. A lot of people in bigger cities have the option to send their child to Diagnostic Kindergarten (DK), or apply for one-on-one help by a resource staff member.
At our school, Nate is completely mainstreamed. This was a goal of ours from the beginning of the summer, when we made the decision to allow Nate to start JK this year. We know we could've kept him home - but he excelled, grew and learned so much this summer, we couldn't justify not TRYING out Junior Kindergarten.
Our school is in a small town, and has 3 kindergarten classes. We don't have a one-on-one support. We don't have a special kindergarten class. We don't have an indepth IEP or "Nathan handbook," mostly because WE felt it wasn't needed (don't get me wrong, IEPs are important, and I respect the parents who have worked tirelessly to create them). Given that Kindergarten is very 'play-based,' we were okay with a more "get to know him and you'll figure things out" approach.
His teachers are great. We met with them for an hour the week before school in Nate's classroom. They brought in some resource staff who would be helping out with Nate as well. He was friendly, adventurous and so so lovely when we went. He explored the room, he saw where the toys were, he sat at a snack table, and he was "part of" the conversation I had with all the staff.
They asked their valid questions.
"What kind of behaviours will we see?"
"What triggers him the most?"
"How does he communicate?"
"How do we discipline him?"
"Does he understand instructions?"
"Is he violent?"
These are all valid, and not off-putting questions. What's most important is the safety of Nate and the other 20 or so children in his class. Thankfully, violence and physical outbursts are NOT typical for Nate. We haven't ever had an issue with him seriously self-harming either (we are incredibly lucky).
The biggest issue comes from people not understanding what he wants. Nate relies on hand-leading and pointing to communicate his needs. Eventually, you learn his signals and patterns and it becomes MUCH easier to help him out, which is when he really mellows out. He's pretty patient, and knows you are trying to figure out what he means, but hey - all kids gets pissed when they don't get what they want! The teachers were great about clarifying what some motions they saw meant. I let them know of some big ones. Nate has started patting his belly when he's hungry. He claps when he is LOVING something. He has an excitement stim that happens when he's overwhelmingly excited. He pulls at his pants when his diaper is starting to bother him and needs to be changed. They don't seem like much - but for a nonverbal child, those make all the difference.
Thursday morning (his first day), he was up at 4:30 AM. Whether he knew something was going to change, and so nerves had him awake, who knows. I finally got him back to sleep at 6:00 AM, and let him sleep until 7:30 AM while I made his lunch and a special breakfast. I'm not shocked that his teachers told me he was exhausted and cranky by the afternoon, and was less than helpful and participatory. When I picked him up, it was a huge issue. A 10-minute tantrum on a front lawn when I asked him to get in the car. Screaming bloody-murder on the way home. Kicking and screaming and crying until he was bright red in the face. I was EXHAUSTED, helpless and confused.
There's not many times that Nate being non-verbal actually bothers me, or shakes me to my core. But when he is inconsolable, it gets to me. I didn't know if he was acting out because he was tired, or if he was hurt, uncomfortable, sad, angry, confused, etc.
After a visit with his dad, we opted for an early bedtime. 7:30 PM and he was in bed, half asleep. It took a swift 5 minutes for him to pass out COLD. Thankfully, he had a great sleep and slept for a good 12.5 hours straight. When he woke up, he was beyond happy and played quietly in his room with his step-brother until Mommy and Nick woke up.
So, I started the second day hopeful. This was more like my kiddo. He was listening, he wasn't quick to anger. He was reasonable. He was helpful. I had high hopes. We loaded into the car (without any tantrums), and headed to school. He was calm, and chatty while we waited in the "Kiss & Drop" line for our turn. He got out of the car, carried his own backpack, and walked over to his Kindergarten line-up by himself. He went to his teacher, took her hand, and didn't even look back to say bye to Mommy.
One of the resources his teachers and I are using to communicate, is a "Nate check-in" form that I designed. Teachers have so many students, they don't have time to chat for 10 minutes before and after school about how Nate is. We all agreed it was important for them to know how his day had started off (so they can prepare or understand any behaviours or tantrums that day), and it was important for me to know how his day went. Every month, I'd evaluate his "behaviours chart," which outlines what his triggers are, and how to handle them, and update it based on how his month went. Behaviours rarely stay the same for Autistic kids, especially ones who are constantly growing and learning (like an almost-four-year-old).
Every morning I fill out the first part, letting them know how he slept, how he ate, and how getting ready went in the morning. Every afternoon, they fill out the second part, letting me know how his day went. This includes letting me know how his transitions went throughout the day, if he listened, if he participated in activities, and how many behaviours we had. They also write me a little note letting me know if there was an issue, or if he just did amazing.
This was SO easy to design, and takes me 2 seconds to fill out in the morning. I've looked forward to reading their responses the past 2 days, and save them to use in re-evaluations of behaviours at the end of the month. This has been (so far) an easy, quick, and efficient way to touch base with his teachers, without having to wait around and chat after class.
Needless to say, TODAY (day 2) was SO much better, and we thank everyone who sent us a message asking how Nate did! He has always been incredible at adapting to change (a rare thing for ASD kids), and it usually only takes him a few days to get used to a new schedule. Who knows what Monday will bring, after a weekend of being at home again. Hopefully, he'll remember "school" and be able to duck back into that routine easily. However, we HAVE decided to stick to the school schedule on the weekends as well (ie: same lunch/snack times) to the best of our ability.
If your kiddo started school, or went back to school this year, let us know how it went! Any tips or tricks for parents like me who are navigating the school system for the first time?
Wishing everyone an AMAZING school year, I know our kiddos can do it!
XO The Spectrum Mom
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