When you’re a parent, it’s hard to imagine what the worst thing you could ever hear about your child would be. Certainly, it would be bad news – an accident, an injury, a temporary illness. I always thought that was what I would have to dread the most about being a parent – but I was definitely wrong.
After my son’s Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), the worst thing I ever heard about my child was “he will never be able to do _______.” Insert whatever you want there.
“He will never be able to speak.”
“He will never be able to play normally.”
“He will never say I love you.”
“He will never fit in at mainstream school.”
“He will never be able to dress himself.”
“He will never be able to bathe himself.”
“He will never be able to live on his own.”
I know a lot of you reading this will think, “well that’s extreme,” but if your child has been diagnosed with Level 3 Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), you may be sitting there thinking, “yep. I was told those exact words.”
Don’t get me wrong – Level 3 ASD is not a death sentence. In our circumstance, the assessment clinic who diagnosed my son really didn’t take the time to socialize with him, or give him much of a chance. The assessment was done over Zoom, which any 2 year old would have difficulties paying attention to for 2.5 hours. I did not have the greatest experience with the team that conducted our assessment. Their debrief with me consisted of a lot of those “he will never…” statements.
I was heartbroken. I started thinking of all the things my son would never do, or be able to do. I started thinking about all the things I would miss out on as a Mom. All the things I had dreamed of doing with my child, that now may not happen. I quickly believed that having too much hope, was just a recipe for disappointment.
That was actually the worst thing I ever heard about my child. My own voice in my head saying “don’t have too much hope.” It took a strong community to remind me that my child is the ONLY person in his life who can dictate what he will or will not do. It’s my job to support him on his journey, to cheer him on, to give him the resources he needs, and to hold his hand or be his shoulder to cry on when something doesn’t work.
By taking on that mindset, I have watched my son BLOSSOM in the past 6 months. We went from 0 words to 25 words. We went from a minimum of 10 behaviours a day to 1 behaviour a day. We went from not having any coping mechanisms for big feelings to being able to self-soothe and calm ourselves down. In 6 months, my son showed me that HE was going to accomplish anything and everything he put his mind to.
Mamas – your kids are forces of nature. My son is a force of nature. Every morning I wake up and remind myself of that before we start our morning routine. Every morning I remind myself that I am a force of nature. Together, our kids and us can accomplish anything. Don’t forget that.
XO The Spectrum Mom
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