I think one of the hardest things to go through as an ASD mom is your kiddo's regressions.
Don't get me wrong - all kids have regressions. All kids are affected by changes in their lives, and have a right to be emotional and reactionary to what has happened. Heck, one of the biggest things people tell you about having a newborn is the amount of sleep regressions, etc that you'll go through.
What I struggle with, is the seemingly random regressions Nate goes through. Now, because he's non-verbal, they may seem random to me, but I do appreciate that they could be triggered by something I'm unaware of.
Right now, we are going through an aggression/behavioural regression. The tools and tips we put into place to handle anger, disappointment, sadness, etc have seemingly disappeared from his brain. After a struggle to get him to stop hitting things when he's mad, he finally stopped and learned to come to Mommy, Daddy or Nick for comfort. He also became really great at self-regulating, and would remove himself from an interaction or situation if it was becoming too difficult for him to handle. Unfortunately lately, we are back to dealing with hitting, screaming, throwing, etc. Trying to remind him of the tips and tricks that used to work are going in one ear and out the other. Nick and I have had a billion conversations trying to figure out what could have triggered the regression. Is it the introduction to his baby sister (who he has actually completely warmed up to and is great with)? Is it the behaviours his step-brother is having, that are making Nate think it's okay to act a certain way? Is it something at school? Is it a growth spurt? Is something hurting him? Is he in pain?
I find I'm barely making it through the day without getting frustrated, and feeling like a failure. I know that's okay. I know I'm allowed to get frustrated, and I try to remove myself from the situation to calm down before continuing to "parent" Nate during these episodes. But it's exhausting to not know WHAT or WHY these behaviours are happening. They aren't consistent. He will be happy one second, and then scream and have a meltdown the next without having moved from the spot he was standing in.
It's times like these that I wish I had pushed harder to implement a concrete communication strategy, instead of simply "learning" Nate's cues, gestures, etc. If I had taught him sign-language, would these have been avoided? If we used PECs, would these have been avoided? If I had pushed him to continue using his AAC device, would these have been avoided? It's hard to not get in your own head with the what-ifs. I know I've made the decisions I have that I felt were the best for Nate, and I don't actually regret learning his cues and letting him lead the way in how he wants to communicate. But COME ON. How many mama's of non-verbal kids are completely a-ok with their kiddo not speaking, but have those moments of JUST TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO?
Sleep regressions are another thing we struggle with with Nate. He'll go through periods of sleeping perfectly through the night, then periods of waking for 2-4 hours in the middle of the night (at which case, he doesn't fall back asleep until 6 AM and I then have a grumpy kid when I wake him up for school at 7 AM), then we have periods of him sleeping through the night, but being restless, resulting in him being the GRUMPIEST kid. We have tried it all. Natural sleep remedies, melatonin, light-dose sleeping meds from his pediatrician, etc. Nothing seems to level his sleep out, and we find ourselves going through the same cycle.
Two nights ago, Nate was up from 2-3 AM and then 4-5 AM, before falling back asleep and having to be dragged out of bed at 7 AM for school. One night ago, he woke up once at 2 AM and went back to sleep at 2:30 AM, and didn't want to wake up at 7 AM for school. Both days he was grumpy as all hell. Last night, he slept through the damn night, besides a short nightmare episode at 9 PM. He then woke up on his own at 6:45 AM and came to wake Mommy up, happy as a damn clam.
It's entirely possible that the sleep issues are causing/contributing to the behaviour issues - but we're left in the same situation - WHAT DO I DO.
Mama's - I started this blog not to seem like I have all the answers - because I don't. I started this blog to vent, to process information, to help myself navigate this journey - while hopefully helping others along the way. It's okay to not have the answers. It's okay to want to pull your hair out. We're all doing our damn best - some of us on broken nights of sleep, and some of us with scratches from an overstimulated toddler.
I just remind myself, that in those happy, calm times with Nate, I get the most loving hugs. He comes to me in his times of anger and sadness and overstimulation, because he trusts my love in him. And that's really the greatest accomplishment.
XO
The Spectrum Mom
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