Nate got his first birthday party invitation from a school classmate the other day.
I was so excited. I was legitimately over the moon. Of course, he had no idea why I was so excited. One of my biggest fears with Nate being Autistic was that he would be the "weird kid" that no one invited. Or the kid whose mom had to attend every party with him.
As I started thinking about all the scenarios that could arise from my son going to a crowded, loud birthday party, I started to get massive anxiety. My excitement was replaced with downright fear. What if he had a behaviour and we had to leave? What if he didn't listen to the parents? What if he sat in a corner instead of participating? What if he needed a drink and couldn't communicate it?
My mom and I had a discussion about the birthday party. She suggested that my staying probably wouldn't be the worst thing, and would be helpful for the parents. I agreed, though my own social anxiety issues made that thought incredibly daunting.
Our conversation took a turn towards how I had feared he would never be invited to parties. We discussed how loved he is in his kindergarten classroom. His teachers constantly tell me how excited his classmates are to see him, and miss him when he's away sick. When I pick him up from school sometimes, there's at least 3 kids who say goodbye to him. Those kids in his class think he's the bees knees. He's not the "weird kid" that they avoid. He's the fun, quirky, adorable little man that I know him to be.
I understand why he gets looks from adults. Why they look at him like he's a misbehaving, weird, odd child. I understand why I need to explain to them that he is Autistic, or over-stimulated, or had too much change in his routine and is now having a behaviour. I understand the judgemental looks we get from adults. Do I wish it didn't happen? Absolutely. Can I change it? Unfortunately, no. Not unless they all happen to hop on this website and read about my astounding kid.
What I love about kids, is that they don't care about labels. They are so pure, innocent, open and just want to play. They don't care that Nate doesn't talk. They don't care that sometimes he has to be particular about how toys are played with. They don't care that sometimes playing with him means just playing beside him, as opposed to together. To them, he isn't weird, odd or unmanageable. To them, he's just another kid.
I hope that with the attention, awareness and education that is happening about Autism nowadays, that Nate's generation grows to love and accept everyone. I hope that these kids, as they get older, go home and help educate their parents/grandparents/caregivers about Autism. I hope that they DO talk about my son, in a positive light, as an educational tool. I hope parents DO continue to reach out to me to ask questions.
I reached out to the parents of the birthday party, and asked if they would be more comfortable with me staying. They actually said they were fine with Nate being there by himself, but if it would make me more comfortable, I was welcome to stay. We settled on letting Nate try to be there alone, as I'm only a phone call and 2 minute drive away should they need anything.
This is new territory, folks. I'm excited, but terrified. I'm hopeful, but cautious. I hope with all my heart that he has fun, participates, or at least watches the other kids play.
XO
The Spectrum Mom
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