A Full Disclosure

I have been battling with a personal issue the past few weeks, and wondering how or if I would share what was going on. I realized, that as much as I want this platform to help other parents/families, and I don't want to "complain" - this is also a platform that has been cathartic for me in getting my thoughts and feelings out.

So, I've decided to use this post to be vulnerable and candid about an issue that has weighed heavily on me and my family for the past year, but recently has become a BIG issue.

Our last post focused on the benefits and importance of Nate having two families - myself and Nick (his step-dad), and his biological dad, Greg. Though our co-parenting isn't always perfect, we do have our goals and priorities pretty much aligned when it comes to Nate. Now, Nate isn't the only child in our house.

Many of you may have noticed that our website was down for a few days a couple weeks ago. At the time, my co-founder and I made the decision to simply say it was "down for maintenance," in reality, it was reported and removed temporarily for "child endangerment and privacy infringement". This was an extremely painful and hurtful time, that not only hit my family hard, but also removed a resource and safe place for those of you who use this blog as a safety net, guide or just a good read.

Our site was reported by my stepson's mother, who has been an unfortunate constant stressor in our life. She had asked us to remove O's photo from our site, which we obliged. Despite having done what she asked, she (or, someone she knows, allegedly) reported our site for child endangerment reasons. To say I was devastated was an understatement. My family is my world, and given my extensive experience as a Journalist, I actually do have background in Media Privacy and Law. I am aware of information appropriate to share versus what not to share. The majority of posts and photos are of MY son, Nate, of whom this website is focused on. It would have been wrong to not include O in our "family page," as he is Nate's brother and a big part of his support system.

I battled for a long time internally about whether I would fight for this site and this dream, or just give up. As a parent of a "disabled" child, I go through judgement and obstacles every single day. From grocery shopping to the playground, our children and us are scrutinized, judged and made to feel like we don't belong. Through this platform, not only do I share problems/issues we have faced or overcome, but I also use it to process ongoing feelings and issues, ones that are not going to be resolved overnight. As I say to all of you, this is a safe place and I use it for the same reason!

As someone who works with Autistic adults, I didn't expect to see so much disrespect and disregard for the work I am trying to do from her. We understood her request and did our best to accommodate what she wanted, and was met with rudeness and a report that could have potentially escalated into an actual legal issue.

To say the impossibility of Nick's co-parenting relationship weighs heavily on this family, is an understatement. So much of his stress comes from something that could and should be avoided. Just as Greg and I have agreed on how to parent Nate and navigate his journey with Autism, any co-parenting team should be willing to try and be on the same page, without hypocrisy and meaningless fights. Regardless of your feelings for each other, your child sees everything. Unfortunately, for my stepson, we have seen a huge decline in his behaviour lately, as well as his ability to transition. I don't blame him. He's 3, has two families, and life is pretty dang confusing enough as it is when you're a toddler!

My heart breaks for my kids, and my partner, who are directly affected by the difficulties of co-parenting. Their relationship was simply a thorn in my side for a while, not immediately impacting me, until just lately. Having someone think I was doing something wrong, while I have been working hard to try and make a difference and a change, rocked me to my core.

If it hadn't been for my mom, my partner, Greg and honestly, Nate, I don't know if I would have resurrected The Spectrum Mom site - what happened was one of those things I couldn't shake. Kind of like when someone uses the "R" word to describe your child, and it feels like your whole being just shatters.

But, Spectrum Community, we're here. We're standing strong. We will battle everything that comes our way, to continue to provide a place for parents and guardians to feel accepted, supported and heard.

Just as we fight for our kids, we need to fight for ourselves as well.

XO

The Spectrum Mom